Sing Me To Sleep
by takeanotherturn
Summary: Rachel sat silently in her seat, feeling like the world had been flipped upside down and turned inside out.


**Title:** Sing Me To Sleep  
**Author:**takeanotherturn  
**Rating:** PG  
**Length:** 1000+  
**Spoilers:** For Original Song  
**Warning:** Character death  
**Summary:** Rachel sat silently in her seat, feeling like the world had been flipped upside down and turned inside out.  
**A/N:** This can either be read as a standalone piece or as a sequel to Protect Me From What I Want. I highly recommend listening to Emily Browning's cover of 'Asleep' by The Smiths while reading it.

* * *

_Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
I'm tired and I  
want to go to bed_

_Sing me to sleep  
Sing me to sleep  
And then leave me alone _

It was just after two in the morning when Rachel's phone rang. Cursing the interruption to her strict sleeping schedule and the fact that she'd been dragged kicking and screaming out of a dream where she had won a record breaking three Tony awards on the same night, Rachel blindly groped for the phone on her nightstand.

She squinted at the illuminated screen until Quinn's name came into focus. Rachel wasn't surprised, she'd gotten used to being woken up by Quinn over the summer; Quinn would call in the middle of the night with some question about what it was like growing up without knowing her birth mother and they'd end up talking for hours which wasn't so bad as long as they didn't have school the next day. But Rachel wasn't going to lie, she'd been relieved when the calls had stopped as soon as Quinn got back into her Cheerios uniform and seemingly forgot that she ever had a daughter.

Biting her lip, Rachel debated answering the call. Quinn was probably angry -losing Finn and the title of Prom Queen, to Rachel and Kurt respectively, on the same night had not been easy for her- and looking to lash out and Rachel was certainly not in the mood to be verbally abused over the phone.

But she felt bound by the promise she'd made, after that unexpected first tearful phone call, that she'd pick up whenever Quinn needed to talk and Rachel couldn't go back on her word now.

She decided to accept the call. "Hello, Quinn?"

"Promise me you won't let him hold you back," Quinn began without so much as a hello. "Promise me that you'll get out and become a star."

Rachel almost laughed. Did Quinn not know her at all? "I promise."

"Good. You're going to be great, you know," Quinn said fiercely. It didn't escape Rachel's highly trained ears that she was slightly slurring her words. "You're gonna be so great and you're never even going to know all the things I've done for you."

Rachel frowned in concern. "Quinn, are you drunk? Should I call Mr. Schuester for you?"

"No!...No, I'm just tired, Rachel," she sighed, wearily. "I'm just really, really tired."

"Then perhaps I should let you go to sleep," Rachel said, glancing at the glowing neon numbers of her alarm clock. She really needed to be getting back to sleep or she'd be completely useless in the morning.

"Wait, not yet. Can...can you sing to me?" Quinn asked in a small voice, suddenly sounding like she was so very far away.

"Of course, Quinn," Rachel agreed graciously, never one to turn down the opportunity to perform, even at two in the morning. "What would you like to hear?"

"The usual."

Yes, this had happened so many times that they had a 'usual' song. Wanting to wrap this up as quickly as possible, Rachel cleared her throat and began to sing softly. "You'll never know how much I really love you, you'll never know how much I really care. Listen, do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell?..."

The first time Quinn had requested that she sing the rather obscure Beatles song _'Do You Want To Know A Secret'_ Rachel had been surprised and then panicked because she'd never heard of it before. But a quick internet search had provided her with the lyrics and melody and since then it had become the go to song whenever Quinn asked to be sung to sleep. Rachel had been a bit baffled by the request until she looked it up and found out that the song was inspired by something John Lennon's mother used to sing to him when he was a child and it occurred to her that Quinn obviously must relate it to her feelings for Beth.

"...Closer. Let me whisper in your ear, say the words you long to hear, I'm in love with you." By the time she finished the song, all Rachel could hear on Quinn's end of the phone was her breathing, deep and even, and wondered if she'd already fallen asleep. "Quinn?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Goodbye, Rachel."

"Goodnight, Quinn."

###

As Rachel predicted, the midnight interruption to her sleep threw her entire morning schedule into chaos. She'd slept through her alarm, had to skip her elliptical workout entirely and despite her best efforts was still running ten minutes late to the early morning glee club rehearsal, that she'd demanded they have, which was absolutely mortifying.

She had braced herself for the (now) good natured teasing about her tardiness that would ensue when she entered the choir room but she was in no way, shape or form ready for the suffocating atmosphere of sorrow that engulfed her the second she opened the door and stepped into the room.

Santana had her face buried in Brittany's neck, sobbing hysterically as the blonde held her, which wouldn't have been unusual -Santana was prone to crying at the drop of a hat- except for the silent tears that were trailing down Brittany's face. Tina was crying into Mike's shoulder, Mercedes face was hidden behind a tissue, Sam's head was buried in his hands and his shoulders were shaking. Even Lauren Zizes' eyes were damp. And as big as Rachel's ego was, she knew they weren't all sobbing their hearts out just because she was late to practice.

"W-What's wrong?"

Mr. Schuester turned to her with watery, red-rimmed eyes. He looked like he'd crying for hours and had only just run out of tears. Perhaps something had happened to Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell.

"Rachel, you should sit down," he said, rolling his chair over to her and gently guiding her into it.

Rachel eyed him cautiously as she sat. "Please just tell what's happened."

Schue's face crumpled in despair as he prepared himself to say the words again. Just like the first time, when he'd delivered the news to the assembled Glee club, the words stuck in his throat. "Quinn is...Quinn's dead, Rachel."

"What? No, she's not. That's not true," Rachel was resolute in her denial. How could Quinn be dead? She'd just spoken to her. Obviously, Mr Schuester was mistaken.

"Why would you say something like that?" she asked, barely registering Finn getting up and kicking his chair over before storming out of the room.

"Because it's true, Rachel," Schue said patiently, understanding that the girl was probably in shock. He hadn't believed it when Emma first told him either.

"What happened?" A car accident was the first explanation to spring to mind. Then Quinn being caught in the crossfire of a drive-by shooting, then Quinn being hit by a meteor that had fallen from the sky; each scenario was more ridiculous and outlandish the first, each one ending up with Quinn's body bloody and broken. Because perfectly healthy seventeen year old girls didn't just _die_. It just didn't happen.

"She...uh, it looks like she took her own life," Schue could barely bring himself to admit through his guilt. He'd failed Quinn; as a teacher and a friend. He should have seen the signs, he should have done _something_. Will knew that Quinn rarely let her walls down, keeping all her emotions closely guarded. She'd always been so quiet and restrained that it was easy to overlook her, especially with the more dramatic personalities in the group always demanding his attention. He'd worried about her, from time to time, but he let himself believe that if she was truly struggling she would've come to him for help. He should've been paying more attention, this shouldn't have happened.

"She swallowed a bunch of her mom's pills and washed 'em down with a bottle of vodka. She didn't say goodbye, she didn't even leave a damn note," Puck said gruffly. He was angry. No, he was furious. He knew that the soul crushing devastation would come later once reality sunk in, but right now he was furious because Quinn didn't even bother saying goodbye to him. Puck could understand her not wanting to say anything to the others but he'd loved her, they had a baby together, didn't that mean he at least deserved a goodbye? Instead he got woken up by Quinn's mother, screaming at him hysterically down the phone line, blaming him for ruining Quinn's life and driving her to her death.

Rachel sat silently in her seat, feeling like the world had been flipped upside down and turned inside out. Quinn had said goodbye to her and only her and Rachel didn't understand why. Years later, when she was older and wiser she'd look back on it and want to slap herself upside the head for being so oblivious. But trapped in the moment without the benefit of hindsight, Rachel couldn't understand. All she knew was that Quinn Fabray was dead and nothing made sense anymore.

_Don't try to wake me in the morning  
'Cause I will be gone  
Don't feel bad for me  
I want you to know  
Deep in the cell of my heart  
I will feel so glad to go_


End file.
